Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
