bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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