is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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