We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
