I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
