There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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