Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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