I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
home. puking in laundry basket.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's blow job season.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
