sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
