Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
