Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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