walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
