We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
