In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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