We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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