I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize