He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
