...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
