Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
