I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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