oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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