Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Rumble strips road head = magical
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
