Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
