Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
