Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't notice because vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
