He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
