There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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