the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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