i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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