"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
