Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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