we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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