I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
