I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
