First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
