I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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