is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
