I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
