i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
