All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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