Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
