My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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