She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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