It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
