The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
