Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
