Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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