sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
