I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize