Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
