but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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