So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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