I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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