Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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