I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
