as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
