There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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