but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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