fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize