Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
