MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
