Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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