it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
