so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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