He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
