More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
