they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
