last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize