I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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