If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
