Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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