So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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