mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
