Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
