We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
