There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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