either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
