he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
