i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize