shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
