She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i love accidental penises.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
