on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
