i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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