My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
