I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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