I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize