just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
