We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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