i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Someone signed my nipple.
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