I just pynch a tree in the face
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
