I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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