i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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