Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
