Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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