if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And then he peed in my hair
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
