Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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