I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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