There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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