If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
