I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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