just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
