just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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