What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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