Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
