Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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