theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize