Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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